


Sadder Days

by faux_darling



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Oblivious skeppy, Swearing, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28934535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faux_darling/pseuds/faux_darling
Summary: Saturdays bring out the truest part of anyone if you let them whether it's good or bad it's a day different from every other what happens on a saturday follows you. Zak and Darryl are best friends and Darryl is unaware of the struggles Zak is facing internally with self love and sexuality while zak is unaware of Darryl’s feelings for him but he also has troubles of his own.High school au
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Darryl Noveschosch, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Skephalo-Relationship, Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 13
Kudos: 86





	1. Friday

**Author's Note:**

> Read tags  
> status: ongoing

Friday

“Hey guys” Zak said, placing his bag on the side of the lunch table as he sat down next to his friends as he was coming back from calculus. 

“Sup zak, what's wrong and why are you looking like that?” arran said with a chuckle.

“What do you mean? I just sat down”

“Yeah but you look...different, am i the only one seeing this?”

“No, you're right he does look kinda different,” Nick said lifting his fork up from the salad he was eating to rest his chin on his hand, looking at Zak with a weird look on his face. 

“I don't know what you’re talking about dude, I literally just got a slight trim. It's nothing to get all worked up over.” zak said with an attempt to laugh it off in a convincing manner, which worked. Of course it did, he's been doing this for a long time, it's almost second nature to him at this point.

“Here zak, do you want some of my fries? You didn't even get some lunch” Darryl said holding out his tray with the fries on it. Zak stared at the tray with an emotionless look breathing in deeply.

“No thanks, but can i have that orange juice?” 

“Yeah sure, just thought you might want to eat something solid, you never get school lunch anymore is something wrong? im worried about you”

“Uh yeah no, it's fine I just haven't paid the lunch fee for this semester so I just eat when I get home, it's nothing to worry about'' damn, he told that lie so effortlessly like he was ready for that question. He took the carton of orange juice and opened it and drank it just to ease the suspicion he could feel radiating from darryl's direction. It made him angry, he felt like they were interrogating him. Darryl was his only exception; he has an extremely caring nature and it's just the way he is and he loves that. But he was own person; he didn't need to take this.

“Okay Zak, I was just checking,” Darrly said, smiling at Zak as he got up from his seat with his bag getting ready to go to the last class of the day. Getting there early was better than being on time, no one else would be walking in the hallway.

“Hm you’re cute” zak said in an amused tone making darryl cover his face in embarrassment as his friends began to tease him. Everyone knew he liked zak, everyone except zak cause that is how it works.

“Alright guys i'm heading out see ya, love you darryl” zak said and started walking away from the table leaving his friends behind.

“But you just got here” Clay said sitting next to George with his arm around his shoulders but Zak just glanced his way and didn't pay him any mind.

“I love you too zak” Darryl said watching him walk away and zak turned to him then smiled in his direction happily, he turned back around continuing to walk out of the cafeteria and mumbled to himself.

“You always say that, fucking liar why would you?” he said, throwing the carton of orange juice that was more than half full into the garbage. 

As always when someone told him they loved him he was mentally incapable of believing them even if it's from his own family, he just didn't see himself as someone who deserved it. He wonders how he is able to love others but not himself because they say you won't know how to love anyone else until you love yourself or whatever but that has to be a lie, he could see everything that he loves in someone else, everything that he knows he could never be and he loves them for that it's different from envy, he didn't want to be them, just wanted to have that energy around him and hoped it would rub off on him somehow, he realized those are the types of people he needed in his life. So whoever said that quote, fuck you, you dont know shit. 

This is the last day of school for the week and he couldn't wait to get home where he could be by himself. He has two sides to himself and he's sure everyone else has at least two as well because he's not special. The fun extroverted, carless and blunt side and the side he likes to keep to himself, the side that holds all of his insecurities and worries that eat him alive. 

He made his way into his english class hoping it will go by quickly. It's not like he hated the class but lately the time has been feeling like it's going by much slower. But at the same time he'd like to think about things that he would never be able to say without being criticized and made fun of because of how out of character it might sound.

If he talked about how he thought sex doesnt have to be just sexual simply because its called sex, how it can be an expression of love, of feelings that can't be explained by just words. The need of letting someone you love to know that you appreciate them, to let them know that all that they are is all that you need, doesn't matter who's telling the story, it shouldn't be looked down on as an abomination but just as another form of love...yeah he would definitely get bullied for being so sappy.

The bell rang, startling him out of his day dreaming state, time flies when you're caught up in your thoughts i guess.

“Yo zak!” he turned around to see Alex waving at him as he was exiting his class room.

“What do you want quackity?” he said annoyed

“Hey man you don't need to be hostile.” zak broke out in laughter at how stupid that sentence sounded coming out of quackitys mouth.

“Darryl asked me to come over to his house today to play some gta and spend the night just letting you know” zak's face dropped from his happy smiling to an emotionless look.

“What? why the fuck would you tell me that?” Alex smiled and shrugged his shoulders and walked away with a small skip in his step.

Zak started speed walking to the bus that he knew Darryl would be headed to. He waited there for literally 10 seconds before he saw Darryl heading in his direction. He ran up to him and stopped in his tracks.

“Oh hey what's up zak” 

“Don't “hey what's up zak” me! You know what you did, why did you invite quackity instead of me? You fucking slut!” he yelled jokingly while glaring at him with a pouting face.

“Hey! Language!, I only invited him because I know you love spending your Saturdays alone. You know you would have rejected me if i asked you to stay the night on a friday.”

“...ok but still” he knew he was right, it was just something about the vibe of saturdays he couldn't explain but it was something that he couldn't pass up.

“See I know you skeppy” wow he hasn't heard that nickname in forever.

“And by the way, you're still the only one that calls him quackity”

“Whatever bad, i'll see you later then i guess… i'm going to miss you even though i'll see you in like 2 days but you know” he gave him a long hug before he started his walk home. He doesn't take the bus because he lives too close to the school about a 15-20 minute walk.

He got home, greeted his parents, walked up the stairs and dropped his bag on the side of his bed. Plopped down in a star shape on his bed staring up at the ceiling for a little while thinking about what he could have done differently today.

He made his way into the bathroom, walked up to the sink and splashed his face with water, he stared at his reflection in anger glaring at himself.

“Fucking disgusting” He said as stripped out of his black hoodie, blue jeans, took off his black vans and walked over to the side of the sink where the scale was. He stepped up onto it and looked down. 

”Damn it” he sighed in disappointment.

\-----

“So… what's up with you and zak?” Alex asked as bad was setting up gta on his computer.

“What do you mean?” he said not looking in his direction

“Oh come on dont give me that, you two flirt all the time it's so obvious you like him it's almost embarrassing how you try to act like you don't.” Darryl sighed and turned around in his chair to look at Alex who was sitting on his bed.

“So what? Even if I did he's straight, he’s said that many times.” 

“Yeah but actions also speak louder than words, do you think we don't see you two giving each other back hugs, kissing each other on the cheek and constantly telling each other “I love you”?” Darryl looks at him with wide eyes and red cheeks.

“So what! Friends do that all the time!” 

“You guys don't do that with me or anyone else. That should tell you something, don't give up until you know for sure, I see the way you look at each other. There is something there.”

“You really think so?” darryl asked with an unsure expression.

“I do” Alex said while giggling 

“Now lets play some gta!” Alex said, pulling up a chair next to Darryl. 

Darrly loves when Alex gets like this, when he is able to have a real conversation. It's refreshing, he always sees him as a goofball, always making jokes and never taking anything serious. But times like these remind him that, that's not all he is. He's observant, caring and knows when he's gone too far and is always willing to fix his mistakes and that is what makes him a good friend.

“...Alex I really appreciate you, you're an amazing person.”

“Dude what? You can't just switch up on me like that, caught me off guard.” he laughed 

“I was just letting you know. I don't say it enough.”

“Thank you man, that actually means a lot.” 

Darryl turned to him with a smile. Alex looked directly into his eyes and smiled back as he felt his heart racing. He thought Darryl was so beautiful and always has. He's had a crush on him for a long time but he knew Darryl’s heart already belonged to someone and he had no plans of getting in the way of his happiness. He was perfectly fine just watching from the sidelines cause that's what makes him happy. He knew he needed to move on though so he just had to come out with it, get the rejection over with and hope the best for whatever comes after. 

“Hey uh darryl?”

“Yeah what is it?”

“I need to tell you something” Alex said nervously.

“...ok now you're scaring me” Darryl paused the game and turned his full attention to Alex.

“It's nothing serious ah i'm just going to come out and say it...I” he paused for a moment mentally preparing himself and looking down at his hands.

“I like you.”

The silence was nerve racking. He was afraid to look up, he couldn't look up, he wasn't ready to see the disgusted expression he knew darryl would have. As the silence continued he couldn't help but feel the need to cry and that's what he did. In silence. Until he felt hands on the sides of his face forcing him to look up but he still couldn't bring himself to look into Darryl's eyes, so he closed them. He felt his tears being wiped away then lips pressing onto his own slowly, with hesitance. He knew it was out of pity not because he had feelings for him so he pulled back. This was wrong.

“You don't have to do that.” Alex said in a quiet voice.

“I-Im sorry, i thought it would make you feel better” 

“I know you did, you're always doing that and that's what I like about you *sigh* but zak can appreciate you more and love you more than I can and I know you love him more than anything and anyone in this world. I just needed to get this off my chest so I could move on.” he chuckled and looked up.

“Thank you for understanding and again I'm sorry for kissing you” he said guiltily.

“It’s fine, it was sweet”

“Um, do you still want to stay the night?” darryl asked with a stupid nervous smile.

“Yes I do , we barely played the game, you can't get out of it that easily.” 

They smiled at each other and went on about the day as if nothing happened with no idea about the internal struggles Zak was facing just minutes away.


	2. Saturday Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skeppys love or host is today, a saturday, im nervous.  
> this weeks chapter is kinda rushed and i had to split it into parts  
> status: ongoing

It was 3 am, the witching hour on the most special day of the week for zak. He liked to take this time to himself in his room, window open, dim lamp light on with low indie music playing from his bluetooth speaker that was playing the same exact playlist he listens to every saturday sitting on the desk next to his lamp. Blunt in his mouth, thoughts in his head. This was his time.

He thinks about everything he could do to make himself better. 400 or less a day to lose more. Anything he can do to fix himself. When he smokes, it's the only time he can think about these things without having the overwhelming urge to scream and cry. Instead he feels emotionally helpless. It was peaceful to let go. He could allow himself to think of something positive.

Darryl, his best friend. The only person he would do anything and everything for. They've been best friends since freshman year of highschool they met on the first day in biology class, polar opposites zak was trying to make friends with anyone who would listen while darryl sat in the back of the class watching with amusement as they ignored him, until zak spotted darryl staring at him from the other side of the classroom, he walked up to with with a small smile and said “Hey i’m zak uh is this seat taken?” and from that day on they've been inseparable.

Zak let out a small giggle thinking about those times, when everything was easier. What changed? What happened to him? He didn't know the answers and he wasn't sure he wanted to cause honestly, it didn't matter. It wouldn't change anything. His thoughts were interrupted by a ringing from his phone. He picked up his phone and saw it was from Darryl, speaking of the devil.

“Hey zak, did i wake you up?” Darryl asked in a quiet voice in case he had just to avoid startling him.

“No you didn't, it's fine, I've been up for a while, what's up? how's it going with quackity?” he says, taking a drag right after.

“It was great we watched movies, he forced me to play roblox, ate pizza you know the usual but he's sleeping in one of my spare rooms now” darryl pauses “oh but i want to tell you about something that happened earlier after school.”

“Um okay what is it?”

“Alex and I came to my house and I was setting up the gta game, we were talking about some…things and out of nowhere he just out right said he liked me.” Darryl said nervously as he adjusted his current laying position to sit up against the headboard.

Zak stilled in position and swallowed “And? What did you say? Do you f-feel the same about him?” he asked, anxious to hear his reply while fidgeting with the blunt between his fingers.

“I kinda kissed him but-” Darryl says but immediately gets cut off.

“You kissed him” he said followed by silence. 

“Well yeah but i didn't finish-” cut off again.

“So you do like him” he said with a small chuckle in disbelief feeling his eyes water.  
“you never told me” 

“No dang it zak let me finish!” Zak's eyes widened and took a sharp breath in surprise to hear him shout but stayed quiet. “I kissed him, to try and comfort him, he was crying what was i supposed to do? He was so sad I couldn't just sit there.”

“So? But you didn't have to kiss him did you?” The tears fell down his face, the only bad thing about smoking weed is that he’s the type of person that was helpless when it came to them he couldn't stop what he felt.

“Im sorry zak, are you crying? I wouldn't have done it if I knew you’d have such a negative reaction to it.” Darryl would never admit it out loud but it made him happy to hear that Zak was upset over this, he couldn't help himself from smiling when he heard Zak sniffle. “Aw dont cry zak, if it makes you feel better I love you more than anyone~” he sang.

“Ugh you say that all the time.” he said while sniffling.

“I know” Darryl says “But it's true, you're special to me” more than you could ever know. “I would choose you before anyone else in this world, I hope you know that” he said in a low voice that is rare to hear. It made him shiver. Almost made Zak want to believe him.

“What did you say?” he said, wiping his tears away as he rolled over on his side in anticipation. His heart was racing.

“You heard me and I know you did.” he did, he heard him clearly. But he wanted to hear it again.

“Say it again please” he felt like he was in a lucid trance, zak didn't know what he was doing, he couldn't stop himself even if he tried, he didn't want to stop either, he just wanted to see how far he could go.

“I would choose you before anyone else, you're amazing and i'm so glad we met.” he felt hot. He was enjoying this too much, he just couldn't bring himself to care about the thought in the back of his head right now. 

“Then would you want to kiss me?” he said, putting out the blunt on an ashtray he had nearby. All of his attention was on darryl now. 

“...saturday is making you bold this week zak, i kinda like it” darryl said getting excited.

“Yeah? Then answer the fucking question” he laughed trying to recover from his tears.

“Alright i'm gonna be honest since they say the night was made to say things that you can't say tomorrow day, also language” 

Zak rolled his eyes “But it's morning” he says. 

“It's still dark out so does it really matter? But yes...” he sighs in defeat “i would kiss you zak” it’s not like darryl necessarily tries to hide his feelings for zak he just doesn't want to over step because as far as he knows, zak is straight…’as a ruler’.

Zak gasped in excitement “Really?! You would? Aw, i would kiss you too if i could.”

“...no you wouldn't zak, as far as i know you're straight” he said while rolling his eyes as zak stayed silent.

As far as you know you think you know a lot of things, you even believe the lies I tell you without a second thought.

“I could say the same to you, Darryl”

“What's up with you zak? You’re talking weird and acting differently than usual.”

“You think I'm acting differently? How so?” Zak asks in an amused voice, getting more excited as he moves in his bed into a sitting position leaning against the headboard with a small grin on his face.

“hm, you seem to be getting more intimate with your words” Darryl says laying in bed on his back knees up with one leg over the other “suggestive even, it's hot.”

Zak hates to love when he does this, making him feel weird things. He made his heart race feel breathless with just words, without even trying. He wasn't ready to admit the truth to himself. He's fine with it being anyone else but it's different when it's him. It's just, sometimes he lets himself slip, give in to temptation to try and prove something to himself. He couldn't accept it, not yet.

"Woah bad, I guess saturday isn't just making me different, you really know how to play with emotions, you can't keep doing this to me it's confusing." he chuckled.

"I'm confusing you?" darryl asks.

"You know you are dont play dumb” he giggled. “You make me question things. Things I thought I already figured out about myself.” he said taking another drag.

“What are you saying then?”

“I'm saying, you have some kind of control over me and it's annoying because i know i like it.” Zak admitted in a quiet voice not knowing how Darryl would take it. 

“God, you wouldn't believe the effects you have on me” Darryl says.

“Really..like what?” zak said in a low whisper.

Darryl was quiet for a moment before he said “I've never met someone quite like you, you are irreplaceable.” Darryl says in a small voice but with confidence. “You are the only highlight of my days; you make me turn red at just the sound of your voice. I can't resist you”

Zak was quiet he didn't expect them to come back but they did so let the tears come back eyes, he was trying his hardest to convince himself that these were lies, but only to be in vain, he knew darryl wasn't one to lie to him as easily as he lies to himself and everyone else, he was letting himself slip to far. He knows how far he can go now. He couldn't take anymore right now. He was crying in silence, hearing how Darryl felt about him just confirming it for him, he knew for a fact that this was not just something he could keep putting off. But it was too sudden.

Zak hung up on Darryl without saying another word, this wasn't how it was supposed to go, He broke out in sobs not wanting to face the truth. He knew he was questioning himself for a long time but this time, it was like the first time, like a sudden epiphany it was all coming to him in waves. He cried louder, gripping his hair pulling some from the roots. He started pacing around his room blunt long gone. 

"God fucking damn it!" he yelled in frustration.

He didn't know what else to do, so he did the only thing he could do to calm himself, the only thing worth while, he got out of his room and made his way down stairs and went to the garage, where all of the workout equipment was.

He was on the treadmill for 3 hours taking his mind off the current situation, instead allowing himself to push further to get lower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be another chapter next week  
> hope you guys enjoy :)


	3. Saturday Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a day late from posting sorry~

Darryl stared at his phone in sadness, he made the mistake of telling Zak everything, this isn't how he thought it would happen. At least he was hoping it would end like this, there is no way zak didn't already know right? But he never actually outwardly said that he was in love with him, he just hinted at it very strongly… he thought zak could possibly feel the same since he was responding to him positively. But guess he was wrong. He felt embarrassed and stupid.

“God i fucking hate myself.” he sighed turning around and smushed his face in his pillow in shame, since there was no one around there was no need to language himself.

He heard a knock on his door then heard it open. He took his head out of the pillow and looked up to see alex.

“Hey man,” Alex said, walking further in the room.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Darryl said in an exhausted tone, turning back around, laying on his back.

“No, I just saw the light was still on and it's almost 4 am what’s up?” he asked with worry.

Darryl sighed putting a hand over his eyes “i think i messed up with zak, i think i messed up bad.” he said 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex said, making his way to sit on the edge of darryls bed.

“Do I have to?” he answered with a sad chuckle.

“You can if you want to, do you want to?” alex said.

“...yes” Darryl nodded then broke down crying, lifted up into a sitting position while Alex quickly moved his way up on the bed and went to wrap his arm around Darryl and let him lean into his shoulder. This was Alex's first time ever seeing him cry, it was heartbreaking to witness. 

“It's okay , take your time.” They sat there for a while as Darryl cried on Alex's shoulder while Alex told him many times that it would be ok and kissed his forehead occasionally in hopes of making him feel better. This is such a new concept for Alex, he's never had to comfort anyone like this. It was actually kinda nice being the person someone needs for a short amount of time, it feels like actually having a purpose. It was peaceful to just sit there hugging darryl in the early morning of a Saturday. 

"Thank you Alex you're so nice to me, I'm sorry, I don't deserve a friend like you." Darryl said in a small voice still leaning on Alex's shoulder.

"No need to apologize, and it's no problem I'm just doing what any friend would do." He said friend zoning himself, one step at a time.

"Well thank you anyway" he said leaning in closer to Alex "I told Zak somethings that I don't think he was ready to hear, I told him that I can't resist him, that he does all these weird things to me. I can't stop thinking about him, it's like he's my one and only thought, it's like he has control over my entire being and he said I do the same to him so I thought maybe he felt the same but obviously I was very wrong. I nearly told him I was in love with him, but he didn't say anything he just...hung up on me without another word, I spoke too much, I freaked him out and he's probably disgusted by me now that's not how friends talk to each other-" 

"Darryl, Darryl, calm down and breathe it's fine, let's unpack what you said and think rational thoughts ok?" He said trying to calm him down 

"Yeah" he said in hesitation

"Okay so, before you told him that, how did he sound?, did he sound uncomfortable or anything like that?"

"No it seemed like we were going down the same path to confess to each other or something." 

"Then maybe he was just panicking, you know he swears he straight left and right, and a lot of the ones who do that usually aren't let's be real. " he said as Darryl giggling at his statement "Aw you're smiling now, you look better when you smile"   
It was at times like these where Alex felt a connection to Darryl unlike any other.

“That's because you said something funny alex.” he said wiping his eyes of tears.

“And it worked,” Alex said proudly hugging Darryl closer.

“So you think that he isn't upset with me or anything?” he asked

“I don't, maybe he has a few things to workout within himself, you know how he is. I've never heard him talk about his feelings before he just keeps everything to himself.” he said trying to ease Darryl’s worry.

“You're right i guess, i'm probably just overthinking it” he said “thank you again alex”

“No problem” 

“Can you sleep with me?" Alex immediately thought a completely different way but he knew what he meant.

"Sure" he said, they laid on the bed and got under the covers, then Alex wrapped his arms around Darryl as he snuggled closer to him to lay on his chest.

"I'm sorry for putting you in this position Alex, you do so much for me and I do nothing at all for you." Darryl said in disappointment of himself.

"Dont worry about it, I know you would do the same for me if I was in your place." he said raking his fingers through darryl's hair to soothe him. "He'll come around, don't stress over it."

Darryl leaned up to turn off his lamp light then laid back down on alex.

"I'll try not to, I think I'll text him later today, goodnight alex."

"Goodnight." Darryls not making it easy for him to move on but he doesn't mind it. He thinks he prefers it. Being close to him without getting too close. It will be fine if he can get used to this. But for now his heart still beats for him, almost the same way Darryl's beats for zak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this isnt a darryl x alex ff...anywayyy new chapter every week


	4. Saturday Part 3

Zak woke up late in the afternoon at 5 pm he felt horrible, his head was pounding, he was sweating and he was cold but then again he was always cold, that's what happens when you treat yourself the way he does. He got out of his bed, made his way to the bathroom as he does every time he wakes up, took off his sweatshirt and shorts and stepped on the scale. He felt proud for a minute before he realized. He could go lower. 

He decided to take a shower to hopefully make himself feel better and refreshed. Shivering constantly trying to get the right water temp. It was getting frustrating so he gave up. He couldn't stop thinking about what happened earlier this morning with Darryl. He shouldn't have responded like that, just hanging up without saying a word? He knows how sensitive Darryl can be. He opened up to him and he shut him down without a second thought. He couldn't do anything right.

Zak got out of the shower. Put on a new sweatshirt and a different pair of shorts and walked down stairs to where his family setting the table for dinner. He hated this part. 

“Hey zak you’re finally up” his mom said, placing the plates of food on the table while his sister set the dinner plates down.

“Yea i went to sleep late last night.” zak replied.

“I heard you awake so early this morning go into the garage, your sleep schedule is fucked.” his sister said

“Thanks Sam, but I knew that already,” he stated in a matter of fact tone sitting down in a chair at the dinner table.

“I hate you,” she replied.

“Love you too” he said in an overly sweet tone.

His father and the rest of his family sat at the table and began putting food on their plates. Zak took small portions of each dish with shaky hands. Everyone began eating and conversing about their week. He took small bites of the food to show respect for his mothers work but didn't let himself eat more than his calorie limit by his own calculations in his head. When you're like him you usually get good at that skill. Showing himself eating in front of others got him through the days without questions, usually. The only downside though was that, that would be the only time he would be able to allow himself to eat for the rest of the day. 

“So zak, what's up with you?” his sister asked

“What do you mean?”

“You look a little sick”

“Oh it's fine, just have a small headache” he said picking at the food.

He knew it wasn't just that, but he had to play it off, he hoped that eating something would help which it probably would. He doesn't like being in pain like this.   
He was quiet for the rest of dinner, his mind only on darryl. He wanted to talk to him but he needed to figure himself out first and keep an open mind. He didn't want to say or do something he'll regret.

They finished dinner, Zak went back up stairs to check his phone, he saw a text notification from Darryl and missed calls from Nick and Clay. He ignored Darryl and Nick but called Clay back.

"Hey zak, whats up?" Clay said once he answered the call.

"Dude you called first, what did you want?" Zak replied as he plopped on his bed.

"Oh, i was just calling to see how you were doing i guess”

“Okay well nothing really i guess” zak said “but can i ask you something?” he asked nervously.

“Yea sure” 

“How did you know you weren't… straight?” he was shaking again but there was no going back now.

“Uh well… I don't know exactly,” Clay said, running his fingers in George's hair while George was sitting between Clay's legs while watching Netflix. “But i think deep down I always knew I just didn't want to admit it, I guess. Then George moved here, dude I couldn't deny it anymore but it took me some time to come around and accept it.” he laughed 

“Oh my god clay dont say things like that, it's embarrassing” George giggled while hiding his red face.

“It’s not embarrassing, it's true," He said with a big smile hugging George. 

"It's embarrassing for me," George said laughing while Clay was kissing his face.

Zak smiled he liked knowing his friends were happy, it made him happy, though he envied their relationship, if you met them once you'd think they just started dating and in that stage of the relationship where they can't get enough of each other but they are still like that even after 4 years of dating. Everyone knew they would last, maybe they will last forever. Zak hopes they will, they were actually handcrafted by god for each other.

"Anyway yeah that's basically how it happened, and I'm glad it did if I didn't George would have probably stopped waiting for me found someone else" Clay said in a saddened voice 

"Clay" George said turning around looking at him with a concerned expression "you know I would have waited for as long as it took, I love you… so much" he said and hugging Clay

"I love you too." Clay replied and kissed the top of his head.

Now zak just felt like he was third wheeling, but he didn't really mind though it was kinda cute.

"Well I'll leave you to it, love you guys, see you at school on Monday." Zak said not wanting to bother them anymore.

"Alright love you man" Clay said "Bye zak love you too!" George shouted so zak could hear him too.

Zak hung up the phone and sighed he had a lot to think about and he can't do that without something to help him through it. He needs to go to Nick's place. He got up, put his shoes on, grabbed a sweater and wallet and his phone then made his way out of his room.

"Hey mom, I'm going to Nick's house for a while" he yelled. 

"Ok be safe" she shouted back, then zak left.

As he was walking he texted Nick to give him a heads up that was coming. 

After about 10 minutes of walking he arrived at Nick's house and knocked on the door. When he opened the door he was greeted by Nick with a hug so he hugged him back then Nick let him go, slowly.

"Hey man, what are you looking for this time?" Nick asked as he left Zak walking to his home.

"Ah just the regular" he should have asked for something a little stronger but he didn't want to risk getting addicted.

"Alright, be right back" Nick went upstairs to get Zak what he wanted then came back and handed it to him, Zak gave him the money and took the product.

"Thanks man" he said and after he took it and put it in his pocket, he looked back up at Nick to see that he was staring at him with an unreadable expression, but like he was examining him. The same look he was giving him on friday.

"No problem," Nick said, unmoving. Why was he just standing there?

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Zak asked 

"You're joking right? Do you think I'm stupid zak?" He was still just standing there staring at him.

"Dude what are you talking about?" He asked, he didn't know what he was supposed to do in this situation. It was weird.

"Are you fucking kidding me" Nick said, now zak was getting worried he was acting too strange.

“What?...” he asked hesitantly. Nick looked and sighed but when he looked back down his eyes were turning red and his eyes were watering. “Why are you crying?” zak asked.

"I knew something was up, I knew you looked different but I just couldn't figure it out" he said

"What the hell?, tell me what you're talking about" Zak said raising his voice a bit he was getting frustrated 

"Dont fucking pretend zak, you know what I'm talking about" his voice hitched "I can see your collar bones clear as day, when I hugged you I could feel your fucking spine through your sweater, you’re getting too skinny." Nick said, he couldn't stop himself from crying "What the fuck are you doing to yourself zak?" 

Zak didn't know what to say, he was surprised to say the least. He couldn't play it off, he already knew. He guessed he was crying because next thing he knew Nick was wiping his face with his hands and brought him into a hug. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. His heart was beating fast though, he didn't know what to do now.

"Please don't tell anyone, please nick" he said in a panic. 

"Zak, you need help," Nick said, worried evident in his voice.

"I know, I know just please don't." He begged

"I don't want you to die zak! How can you just expect me to just sit back and watch you kill yourself?!" He yelled after he stopped hugging zak.

Zak was sobbing at this point he always knew the reality of what he was doing, he could actually die from this. But he just couldn't bring himself to care much right now, that's why he was crying.

"I know I'm sorry, but it's not that easy to stop," he said, falling to his knees, hands covering his eyes.

"You can still try though right? How do you think this is going to end?" nick said

"I don't know Nick, I can't do this right now, I gotta go." he got up, tears still running down his cheeks and walked out of Nick's house.

"You need to get help zak, please.'' Nick said when Zak was walking down his driveway.

Zak turned around, "I know" he replied and walked off out of sight and went back home. God what the hell was up with this Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy new chapter next week :)


	5. Monday part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i didnt post last week but in return im posting 2 chapters today!

It was 7:30 am everyone was entering school, Alex and Darryl came in together since Darryl asked Alex to stay on Sunday too. He needed a distraction from Zak due to the fact that he had ignored him all weekend. 

Zak walked in the school with his red hoodie, black jeans and red high top vans. Head hung low trying to avoid all of his friends he knew were there probably waiting for him to make a move or something. 

He made his way to his locker and got his books that he would be needing for the first period. He closed his locker and looked up to look around the school to see if he was in the clear. But of course there was Darryl and Alex on the other side of the hallway having a conversation and occasionally looking in his direction. They were talking about him, he didn't know what they were talking about but he wasn't going to stick around to find out.

He threw his hood up and turned the other way taking the longer way to class just to avoid them. He walked down the hall but felt his arm be grabbed and turned around to find that it was alex and sighed.

“What do you want quackity.” he said in annoyance.

“What the fuck do you mean what do I want, you broke darryl’s heart and haven’t talked to him since, you ignored him!. He was crying on MY shoulder the whole weekend because of you! I have no idea what the hell makes him keep coming back to you. But you need to fucking talk to him, you’re not the only one that’s hurting.” Zak didn't know what he was going to say but he didn't expect that he's usually so chill and laid back. Alex didn't say another word just turned around and left probably going back to Darryl. 

It's not like Zak didn't want to talk to Darryl, he's just at that point in life where you really think about everything, question who you are and just the world in general, he just wanted everything to go back to normal. He finally got to his first period class which was french, he loved the language but he was bad at learning it.   
The class went by rather quickly as well as his next two nothing special happened just like it was a normal day. But now it was time for lunch, he waited for everyone to clear out of the classroom and waited there for about 5 minutes to avoid people in the hallway. He got up and made his way to the cafeteria. When he entered he saw all of his friends sitting there laughing together. He took a deep breath and hesitantly walked over and just sat down in his regular seat without saying a word, everyone went quiet and he kept his head down. No one said a word for a while until Arran decided to speak up.

“Hey zak” Arran said, breaking the silence.

“Hey vurb, what's up?” Zak replied in a quiet voice. Then another silence fell over the group.

“...Um what's wrong with everyone, why aren't you guys saying anything?” Clay asked looking around at everyone.

“You should ask Zak, bet he knows,” Nick said in a stiff accusatory sharp tone.

“Lay off dude.” zak replied in a tired voice. Nick wasn't mad, just worried for him but he knew Zak didn't want to say anything about what they talked about on saturday.

“No he's right zak, bet you do know don't you?” This time it was Alex speaking in the same tone as Nick, but he was talking about something unrelated to what Nick was talking about.

“I said lay the fuck off” he said looking up angrily.

“Like you're in any place to order people around” Alex responded.

“Guys he said back off he'll tell us what's going on when he's ready” Darryl said in defense of Zak trying to calm everyone down. 

“Thanks darryl,” Zak said, giving him a small smile and darryl gave him a smile back.

“Whatever man” Nick said then looked up at zak “here, eat this” zak looked up at him and saw that he was holding a protein bar, he sighed and took it and looked at the packaging, 140 calories. Whatever it'll have to do, if it makes Nick feel better.

He unwrapped the bar and ate it slowly. He could feel he was being watched so he looked up and saw Nick and Alex staring at him but he didn't pay them any mind, and just continued eating. 

“Hey uh darryl, can i talk to you after school, please.” zak asked after finishing the bar.

“Oh yeah of course!” Darryl responded with a little too much excitement but he's been waiting to talk to him for so long and Zak couldn't help but smile at the cuteness. Darryl cheeks reddened from the silent attention, it felt good to have things feel normal even if it was just for a minute.

The rest of the school day went by too fast, it was like it was purposefully doing this just to spite him. He was nervous as hell for what he was going to say to Darryl. It's not like he had something planned but he had a vague idea. He left class when the bell rang and texted darryl to meet him at the side of the school as he walked out. He learned against the brick wall waiting, tapping his foot and looking at the ground. He pulls out a joint to calm his nerves, then he looks up to see Darryl standing there in front of him as he lets out a puff of smoke.


	6. Monday part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is smut in this chapter, its light smut but just putting a warning out there

Darryl stared at Zak but with a smile, I guess he actually was really happy to be able to talk to him. 

“Hey man,” Darryl said, walking closer to zak. Once he got close enough he put his hand out asking zak to pass the joint to him.

“We haven't done this in a long time, i miss it.” zak chuckled, handing it over. 

Darryl took the joint and replied “Yeah I didn't want it to become a habit, after all smoking is bad for you.” Then he blew the smoke out from his nose. Zak always thought it was cool to see when he did that, he tried it once and it burned too much. 

“I'm sorry.” zak sighed “I know i've been avoiding you, and i was doing it on purpose. I just didn't know how to approach the topic I guess.” He took the joint back and took a drag before continuing “That saturday morning, I liked what we were doing, how you talked to me I loved it all, and I was afraid of that. I never really thought I could be attracted to men, let alone my best friend, I mean It's not like i've never thought about men before but I never went that deep into it you know.” he said, turning his head to look at darryl who was looking at him with a fond expression. 

“I know what you mean zak, i've liked you since freshman year.” darryl replied

“What, really?”

Darryl chuckled “Yeah, seems like everyone knew except you, it’s weird how that works isn't it.”

“Im sorry again I wish I knew my feelings sooner, and paid more attention to yours Im so fucking selfish. I'm always caught up in my mind. I don't even pay attention to reality anymore. I have unrealistic images of who i want to be and what i want to look like to the point where i starve myself and i don't even know why. I don't know what changed in these past four years, I was so happy before, what happened? You and the rest of our friends are the only thing that keeps me going. You guys are my happiness. I'm not even happy with myself. I taught myself how to hate who I am.” Zak said, beginning to cry.

Darryl came up to him and pulled him into a hug teary eyed, he never knew what zak was going through he always saw him as the perfect guy, free and careless.

“Zak im so sorry I didn't notice you struggling, I was supposed to be your best friend you were always so perfect to me I thought-” he cut himself off crying on zak's shoulder, he despises himself for letting this slip by him unnoticed we was absolutely disgusted with himself.

"It's ok, you didn't notice because I didn't want you to notice. Nick was the only one who saw right through me. He read me like a fucking book and he probably potentially saved my life, if it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't even be telling you right now, but you got me." Zak said with a sigh.

"Still, either way I should have noticed."

"Don't blame yourself for my mistakes, I made choices and they clearly were the wrong ones, I have to deal with that and I want to get better, if not for myself it will be for you guys. It's clear to me now that my pain also causes you guys pain and I'm sorry." Zak said

“This isn't how I thought this would go. I thought I would just tell you I was in love with you then we would kiss or something.” Zak added with a laugh as tears were still falling down his face.

"No, I'm glad we are talking about this, we never talk about our feelings with each other like this. I think it'll be good for us in the long run." He admitted “We can still kiss...or something” he said lifting his head off of Zak's shoulder to look him in the eyes. 

Zak looked up at him as Darryl grabbed the sides of Zak's face and he leaned in to kiss him, the kind of kiss that makes your heart literally skip a beat. They were both crying into the long awaited kiss that was better than expected for the inexperienced duo due to the emotional connection they felt for each other. They broke from the kiss staring into each other's eyes.

“We should go to my house. School ended 10 minutes ago we are probably the only ones here.” Darryl said.

“Yeah we should," Zak replied, wiping his tears away, joint long forgotten somewhere on the ground.

They both walked to Darryl’s house hand in hand in silence and went up to his room where Zak sat on the bed. Darryl followed and closed the door behind him. He walked up to Zak in silence before grabbing his hand and bringing it up to his face to kiss the back of his cold hand while Zak looked at Darryl’s face and when he looked up into Zak's eyes, he felt breathless. 

They both leaned in to kiss each other again but this time it was different. Zak laid back on the bed as Darryls continued trailing kisses down his neck, he couldn't help the sounds escaping from his mouth, he closed his eyes and let Darryl take over it felt good.

“Zak I want to help you learn to love yourself again, you are amazing and I love everything about you. I want you to see yourself the way I see you and you’re the most beautiful person I have ever met.” He said, traveling his hands up Zak's sweatshirt caressing his skin. 

“I love you so much Darryl” He whispered then kissed his lips again, tangling his fingers in his hair, then moving his hands to the hem of Darryl’s shirt pulling it up and taking it off completely. Darryl moved his hands down to Zaks belt undoing it then unbuttoning his pants.

"Are you sure you want to do this zak." he asked with a loving look in his eyes.

"I think so, yes" he's not gonna lie he was nervous as hell but this was darryl he's talking about and he trusts him, he knows he won't judge him based on the way his body looks.

Darryl proceeded in the process of taking off zaks pants, both heartbeats increasingly getting faster. Once the pants were off he ran his hands up his legs to continue to pull off Zaks underwear and watch him spring to life. Zak couldn't help but look over to the side in embarrassment as Darryl admired his body.

"Stop staring just do it already please." he said, covering his flushed face with his hands, he wasn't used to seeing his best friend look at him like that.

He heard Darryl chuckle and mutter a 'sorry' then he heard a little bit of shuffling before feeling himself be enveloped by the warmth of Darryl's mouth, his breath stopped as he let out a long moan.

Darryl bobbed his head to at his own tempo and Zak couldn't help but grip onto his hair, moans leaving his mouth like an uncontrollable waterfall, it was absolute bliss. Neither have ever done anything like this before with anyone and they were glad to experience it together.

Zak felt like he was in heaven, pushing Darryl head down further subconsciously, feeling his throat tighten around him as he went deeper. Darryl's silent gags around him giving him more and more pleasure with each clench with tears falling down his face. He didn't mind the feeling of choking, it was arousing to him especially when he knew it was giving zak pleasure.

"Darryl please" Zak moaned, throwing his head back as he felt himself getting closer, his breathing getting more rapid, feeling the build up in his stomach from the informal expression of love. He made eye contact with Darryl’s tear filled eyes and he was pushed over the edge, gripping his hair harder back arching up as he held Darryl's head down as he came down his throat, holding him there until he came down from his high which could only be described as euphoric. 

Darryl slowly pulled off of Zak with small coughs and red eyes.

"Oh my goodness I'm so sorry Darryl I should have asked first, are you okay?" Zak asked in a panic sitting up checking to see if he was alright.

"I'm good Zak" Darryl quickly laughed off easing Zak's nerves.

"That was amazing by the way, it felt really good." Zak admitted shyly.

"I could tell, I'm so happy I was able to make you feel that way, it might sound weird but it makes me happy that I could do that for you and you don't have to be shy about it." he said. Zak moved to sit on top of darryls thighs hugging him, still without pants but with only his red hoodie on.

"It's not weird at all, thank you so much, I'm sorry we couldn't go further, I wasn't necessarily prepared. I could do the same for you though if you want me to" Zak offered.

"No no no today was about you I can take care of myself for now, I wanted you to know that I see you for all that you are, and I love it, I love you Zak and I want you to love yourself too."

"You're going to make me cry again, today is the happiest I've been in a really long time, I love you so fucking much." 

"Language." Darryl says then Zak bursts into laughter.

"You would be the one to ruin a moment by saying language." Darryl watched zak laugh a real genuine laugh that he didn't realize he missed seeing until just now in this moment. How did he not realize he hadn't seen it in so long.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was made for a reason, each character is loosely based off of some real experiences and i think it is important to bring awarness in a way that could be relateable but also entertaining.  
> New chapter posted every week or sooner


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